Out of Sight; Out of Mind

I finally mustered up the courage to block all ways to look at my my first love’s Facebook. To clarify, I wasn’t looking out of emotional stimulus to see what she was up to; I was jacking off to her.

What a waste of time and energy.

I’m trying to move away from masturbating. I don’t mean never masturbating again; I mean sitting at my computer after I wake up between 5-7:30 AM and edging. It would be different if I was spending 5-15 minutes jacking off and that’s it, but I’m spending way too much time edging. It’s addictive, because you edge to build up to a harder, more intense cumshot. But hell, I’m just trying to masturbate less in general. The prolactin rise post-ejaculation is substantial. Even if it doesn’t last long, I feel tired, unmotivated, hungry and lazy. When I go a few days without cumming via jacking off, I feel great with a revived pep in my step.

I don’t feel that way after I fuck my girlfriend. I mean, sure, if we fuck during the day, I want to eat or sleep (or both, in that order) afterwards, but if we fuck at night, I don’t wake up feeling meh; I typically wake up harder than ever. Maybe that’s a biological reaction to the pheromones. I’m not scientifically articulate enough to explain it.

Out of sight; out of mind.

Gary Vaynerchuck (Google is your friend) recently talked about how he doesn’t pay any mind to critics, naysayers, negative shitheels, etc. or worrying about what people think because he’s too busy focusing on his goals and on executing. He stays busy.

This reminds me of what Tim Grover wrote in his book, “Relentless”. The first chapter is titled, “Don’t Think” and it’s about how overthinking kills happiness, drive, etc.

I think staying busy is key.

That’s not to say you don’t enjoy life every once in a while, slowing down enough to smell the roses.

But I’m irritated and feel despicable with myself over this habit every damn morning. My girlfriend will be in bed and here I’ll be in the other room doing what I described in the first couple of paragraphs. It’s bullshit. It’s not right, and I feel bad about it.

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2 thoughts on “Out of Sight; Out of Mind

  1. I’m curious about your situation, so I hope you don’t mind if I ask a few questions:

    – does your girlfriend still arouse you?

    – instead of resorting to masturbation when you wake up, have you tried making moves on your gf?

    – and have you discussed your situation with her?

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    1. Thanks a lot for taking the time to comment and caring enough to ask a few questions. I don’t mind.

      She definitely still arouses me. I even masturbate thinking about her often, typically in regards to our hotwife/cuckold (WITHOUT the flaccid-inducing humiliation)/BBC fantasies. That’s one of the hottest things I can think of.

      I’m a morning person and she’s not. While I’ve goaded her into morning sex in the past, she’s straight up told me that she hates morning sex (I love it) and that sex is the last thing on her mind when she wakes up. She states that “nothing is sexy about fucking in the morning because of morning breath”. Well, science links to many truths that a man’s testosterone is higher upon rising in the morning, so it’s no surprise I’m ready to roll ASAP. She wants it more at night time, when I’m exhausted. I like getting in bed between 10 or 11. At least before 12 usually. That’s when she wants it. I always compromise and fuck her. It’s good sex. But I’m so tired by the end of it.

      I’d never discuss this with her. It would open up a can of worms and induce unnecessary insecurity for her, because she’d start believing she’s not good enough, and that isn’t true. No matter how softly stated, that conversation would not end well. She’s a very jealous person and I’m not. I was always taught that jealousy is a wasted emotion. I’m just working on trying to sublimate that sexual energy in the morning into positive pursuits. I was successful *this* morning, but I know it’s an everyday battle. I woke up raging hard at 6 (it’s 7:50 as I type this line) with all kinds of sexual thoughts. I avoided heading to my computer. Instead, I drank some water, consumed some caffeine, allowed the ol’ fella down south to calm down, hit the weights in my training room (coincidentally the same room my computer is in) and afterwards I went down to the basement and did some cardio. Working out has always been my go-to activity to defeat the urge. Plus, it gives me a good sense of well being and accomplishment to start off the day on the right foot.

      Like

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