I guess that’s what kids do to you. My ex-girlfriend — I’m talking about my first love — has had two kids from two different men.
I know, it sounds petty (making this post), but I must anonymously vent somewhere.
My ex-girlfriend is still hot. Given the opportunity, I’d love to bury my nose between her ass cheeks and smell her pheromonal filth again. I have zero desire to date her again (lying, cheating twat), but I’d be remiss if I didn’t still believe she had nice thighs and a perfect, round ass.
I generally consider her to be the hottest girl I have ever dated, but she isn’t looking as good as she used to. She’s aged considerably, and being a natural brunette with Portuguese roots, she doesn’t look that good as a blonde. Still, I’ve jacked off to her a few times lately. She just doesn’t look that great now as much as she did when we were together.
This is simply my belief: how you start your day determines the rest of it. Sure, you can overcome a shitty start to a day, but sometimes it puts you in an uphill battle in regards to a negative mindset that’s difficult to deface.
I’ve noticed this the last few days.
My girlfriend’s family came in on Friday night and left yesterday. Each day, we were up early (fine by me; I’m a morning person these days). Saturday, we went grocery shopping for a weekend featuring epic meals (oh, they were). Sunday, we got up early to start up some barbecue smokin’ on my Weber Smokey Mountain cooker. Yesterday, we spent time together at Cabelas and Bass Pro Shops before they headed home.
It was a fun weekend, and it was sad seeing them go. Anyway… I had some damn good days, and it goes back to what I said.
Oftentimes, I fall into a trap. I get up, and well, as a man I’ll often wake up with rock hard morning wood, aching to get rid of it by…. taking care of business, of course.
As I mentioned in a previous post, the biggest waste of time is going to Tumblr and searching the “my butt”, “my booty”, “my ass” tags or going on Reddit’s many NSFW gonewild-esque subreddits and jacking off. It’s a waste of my time, personally, because two or three hours will pass by quickly, and before I know it I will have been edging for too damn long, and I’ll feel terrible about wasting that portion of the day sitting on my ass and doing nothing.
My typical, best days are when I wake the hell up, ignore taking care of my morning wood (saving up for my girlfriend for later), drink my water from my 64oz Stanley stainless steel growler, consume my caffeine, piss/shit and get on with my daily farmer’s carry workout and more. In the summer, I love going outside with just my shorts on, soaking up the morning sun and relaxing. It’s perfect.
Just getting up and doing something marginally productive is a great start to the day.
I was with my ex-girlfriend Bekki in the fall of 2009 when I was a student at a local community college. I was 18-years-old, didn’t manage my priorities correctly and ultimately finished the semester with a 1.9 GPA, only completing one of my five classes (while not properly dropping the other four and receiving F’s). The one class I completed was an 8am Tuesday/Thursday English class, the only time of the day I felt like I could relax, because my relationship with Bekki was a colossal shitbag disaster. Yeah, that one class I completed, I only made a C in there when I should have made an A, but my dumb ass didn’t turn in the final term paper and I half-assed the final exam.
After a five year hiatus away from college, I returned to that same local community college in 2014. Now, in 2017, I’ve managed to take that 1.9 GPA and raise it to a 3.3/borderline 3.4. Redemption has been mine, but damn, it was a long, painful journey!
In a nutshell, I’ll tell you what happened in the fall of 2009: I was an in-love 18-year-old dating an immature girl that was still in high school. I prioritized that relationship over my personal goals and mental health. I got myself so wrapped up in making sure she was happy, I lost sight of what was going on in my life. I didn’t consider the consequences of my choices at that community college at the time.
You can read about my experience with Bekki in another post. I linked to it in the first line of this post.
2010-2013 were the biggest wastes of time in my life. Especially 2012 and 2013. I did not accomplish a single thing in those years.
I was handicapped by fear. I knew I had to return to college and make things right. But how? But when? I’d say “now“, every time, but I was so scared. I remember, back in April or May 2013, it was a late night, and I had my TV set to TNT. I was watching the NBA playoffs featuring the Oklahoma City Thunder and Memphis Grizzlies. I loaded up my local community college’s website. I was so nervous… I had to go use the bathroom, so I did, and when I came back I closed the page, closed my laptop and ate six Snickers ice cream bars instead. Complete and total avoidance.
On June 1, 2013 I walked to the top of a pretty big mountain at a park here, alone, and I talked to myself out loud. “I will give my self one year. One year. One year to get my shit together and go back to [my local community college]. It’s now or never.”
I’m not so sure I got my shit together in 2014, but I signed up for classes about two weeks before they began in August 2014, and here I am.
Fear is a bitch. Fear is a friend. Fear is a two-faced motherfucker. I mean what I wrote in the title of this post. It is absolutely a double edged sword that can either drive you to do great things or paralyze you with complete and utter inactivity. I’ve been on both sides.
I knew I had to return to college in 2014. I had to make things right. I wanted to, deep down, but I was so goddamn against wanting to be around new people. Specifically, younger students. Nowadays, I don’t care about that, but back then, I didn’t want to be judged for being an older guy, even though I was only 23 in 2014. It’s funny, thinking back, about how silly that insecurity was.
I used Nike’s “Just do it” slogan to fuel me, I reckon. Also a dash of, “What’s the worst that can happen?” in my mindset. “You fail? Fuck it; everybody fails”. Everybody makes fools of themselves. Everybody is a error-makin’, failure-havin’ human being.
When I signed up for classes, I decided to go ahead and do public speaking. Get it out of the way. I’ve always had a narcissistic enjoyment for my voice. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a sportswriter and a sports broadcaster. In 11th grade, my sports marketing teacher — she was a babe — told me I had a hypnotizing sportscaster voice. That got to my head. I knew that deciding to get public speaking out of the way would push me out of my comfort zone. I was hardly around unfamiliar people in 2010-2013, so putting myself out there and doing public speaking after barely being around anybody was a fucking huge, but fucking awesome, challenge.
The best part about it, and I’ll never forget this because it makes me smirk, is that the two girls I sat next to — Alexis and Whitley — told me that I was just so calm and that envied that about me, when it came to speeches in class. I always volunteered to go first whenever we had our speaking days. Because, my theory was always, if you go first, nobody is really going to pay attention to what you are saying, because they are going to be too worried and anxiety-riddled about their own speeches. I never understood the people who tried to stave off doing it! You have to do it, anyway, so why not get it over with so you can relax!? I’ll never forget — right before Thanksgiving break in 2014, we had a speaking day, and a few people didn’t want to get their speech over with, so our instructor said they’d have to do it after our holiday break was over with. Are you fucking kidding me? You’d rather stew over it during your entire break rather than get it out of the way?!
Most of the students in there were second year students that were just about ready to graduate; they had put that class off until the last minute.
Anyway, the “calm” comments they made about me? Yeah, inside, my heart was pounding, but despite my heart pounding with anxiety, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could do it. I guess that’s why I appeared calm. It was nerve racking, but I knew had the ability to stand in front of a group and talk.
Fear paralyzed me in 2010-2013 when I’d spend all day crying/stewing over Bekki or otherwise wasting my time in other useless endeavors.
Fear drove me to return to my local community college in 2014.
I have a lot to do and a lot to work on. But when you are faced with fear, you have a choice to either do nothing or to take action. If you take action, typically you’ll face your fear and figure out if it’s just a phony — and 99.9% of the time it is. When you doing, you never find out and you only stay in one place, never moving or growing or evolving.
Life without pain is a life without challenge and a life without challenge is a life without growth.
Early Sunday morning thoughts while I chug my delicious coffee.
Never marry someone you’ve never argued with or have never gone through difficult times together.
Honeymoon stages of relationships vary in time. A time when everything is all good and there’s no hardships.
But what about when money isn’t there, disposable income sounds like a myth, you disagree on things? Can you effectively communicate with one another and remain level headed? Or are you at each other’s throats, yelling and incapable of rational, mature discussion?
I emitted the same phrase in an online relationships forum and one person told me that my statement was silly. He said that he and his wife had been married for five years and they’ve never had a real argument or spat. My take? Just like I told him in my retort, the exception is not the rule. Besides, I have no idea how this person’s life is. He may be wealthy; they may naturally get along so perfectly there’s no bumps in the road. But that’s rare. Life happens. Life doesn’t plan anything. Life is spontaneous.
Shit happens. There are always bumps in the road. And by the way, when I reference money, I’m not claiming that a large bank account with inordinate disposable income is the be all, end all, because in reality, money isn’t everything, but when you do have money, not having to worry about a healthy meal being on the table every night or worrying about not having life’s essential items is a big plus. You see, while money isn’t everything, when you don’t have it then money is the only thing.
If you’ve never argued or have never gotten into some kind of spat, big or little, with your significant other, you are either delusional or you’ve never faced difficult times.
I say that you go through hell with one another before saying, “I do”. Most of the happiest, longest landing relationships I know, when I’ve asked about their time together, they mention their endurance and perseverance through the most difficult times being the biggest factor in making the relationship work. A relationship shouldn’t be built solely on the good times; the backbone of a relationship should be how mentally and emotionally strong the two of you are and how well you handle adversity as a team. A marriage is a lot like a business. You must sustain it and take care of one another.
I wrote in this post that I was in an online relationship once upon a time. I was. She was my first love. Bekki. It all started in June 2008 in the books & authors section of Yahoo! Answers. Around that time, the Twilight book series was on the rise in popularity. I was 16, a couple months away from turning 17 and starting my senior year of high school. I saw a girl making comical contents about the Twilight series, bashing it sardonically. I thought she was charming. We answered each others questions on the site. She had a link to her MySpace on her profile and I added her.
In late July, I sent her a message entitled, “That Twilight Junk”. It started off with yours truly complaining about the popularity and oversaturation (in society) of the Twilight series. She agreed with me. A common interest (or should I say disinterest?) joined us together. Soon, we were talking about our lives, interests, hopes and dreams. She was 14, and a freshman in high school. Again, I was about to be a senior. She was from Florida; I was/am from a different state.
In October 2008, we started talking on the phone, and it began a daily ritual of us talking every single night (and some days) for two years and two months, all the way up until late December 2010.
Her parents attempted to stop her from talking to me. Looking back, I can see why they did that. She was talking to someone she met online, and they were concerned I was some old man, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Regardless — again, looking back — if I were in their position, I would do the same thing.
Despite her parents doing their best to nix our relationship, she found ways to go behind their back and talk to me every single damn night. It was an amazing time. I still contend — not out loud, but this is the way I feel — that 2008 and 2009 have been the best years of my life so far. She and I had the perfect chemistry. We would talk about every and anything you can imagine. She was a music fanatic, and to this day I still believe she knew more about music than any person I’ve met (that’s not in the music industry).
So, you might be wondering, what happened?
Well, we never met in person.
Looking back, it’s easy to tell what happened. She was young, and still mentally and emotionally growing up. Her parents began to separate in 2010. That’s when Bekki changed, too. Her friends made fun of her for being in an online relationship; I think that was the kiss of death to our relationship, because for a teenage girl, for your peers to make fun of you, that’s huge.
On December 28, 2010 we Skyped for a few hours, everything seemed normal, and then I didn’t hear from her again until September 4, 2011.
Just like that, she ended all contact with me. Do you know how it feels to go from contact each and every single day for two years and about five months to no contact at all?
I had a delayed emotional response to what happened. I didn’t grieve at all in January 2011. I was in shock, I think. I watched the TV series, “Rescue Me” on Netflix, was on a ketogenic diet (bullshit diet; I mean if it works for you, great, but it’s not the best thing ever or anything, which I’ll discuss in a different, future post) and watched the Green Bay Packers steamroll their way to the Super Bowl.
But in February, when I was alone at my aunt’s house, after I finished watching a recent episode of Californication, I began bawling my eyes out, thinking about Bekki and how much I missed her. I genuinely spent the entire month of February 2011 crying. I spent that entire year depressed. There were many days I didn’t want to leave the bed. I was in so much pain.
You might ask, “Well, why didn’t you contact her or check on her? What if something happened to her?” I didn’t want to look her Facebook up or Google her, because I feared the inevitable that she’d gotten with somebody else. I knew she’d ended things a couple days after that fateful day in December 2010, because I’d logged into Skype and saw that she’d set a status, and she logged out when I tried to contact her at that point. That day, I just had a pit in my stomach. In April 2011, I checked again, and she’d once again had a different status/post on Skype.
On September 4, 2011 she sent me a Facebook message that I didn’t see until September 7th. She started out by saying, “Hello, you. I owe you a billion dollars for the damage I caused to your mind and heart”. She told me that she started seeing someone in person in late 2010, and it was a breath of fresh air to have actually been treated nice by her parents.
In hindsight, I should have told her, “Alright. Thank you for explaining to me what happened. I appreciate the closure.” and never spoke to her again. Except… we began talking again. This time, we Skyped every single night until 12:29 AM on December 8th, when she did the same thing as the last time, except this time I knew I’d never hear from her again, and I didn’t.
It’s funny how life turns out. 2012 was a horrific year. My last remaining grandparent — my grandmother; my mom’s mom — died, and I was bitter, angry and carried an awful attitude towards everything. 2013 was a bit better, but unproductive. I was still depressed.
However, I’m over Bekki now. I wanted to write this post today, because I know somewhere out there that another person has gone through hell and back when it comes to a relationship like this. I never talked to anybody about it (outside of my current girlfriend, Dana) for all these years. I just bottled it up and let out the sadness and incandescent rage whenever I was alone.
It’s unfortunate, too, that I never talked to anybody about it (outside of the internet and, again, my current girlfriend, which wasn’t until 2014). 2012 was the lowest point in my life. I remember spending an entire day in my bedroom in 2012 when my family from South Carolina came to visit, and I didn’t even come out to see or talk to them. What an asshole, right? But I was depressed. I’d stay up all night and sleep all day.
Hindsight is always 20/20, but looking back, it’s not surprising how things went down. She was a teenage girl going through the motions of finishing high school and gaining wisdom through experiences. She was evolving and changing fast. Peer pressure is real.
I’m over her now, but the pain put a chokehold on my life, and I wasted a few years of it.
If you would’ve asked me about the year 2011 during the years 2012 or 2013, I would have told you it was an awful year, but now that time has passed and I have a broader perspective, I can genuinely say that 2011 was an amazing year. I had some incredible times with my best friends. We made a horde of memories. However, when 2011 was occurring, I wasted a lot of time being depressed over Bekki. Even in 2010, I was so concentrated on making her happy when her parents were separating that I missed out on some awesome experiences.
Now, 2012 and 2013 were still atrocious, wasted years, but 2011 was not as bad as I originally felt it was.
I’m in a better place now. I’ve been with my girlfriend, Dana, for over two years and six months. We, too, met online. Hell, I met Dana on Lush Stories, an erotica website! We encountered one another on there right before my grandmother passed away in 2012, but we didn’t become close until January 2014. I was truly an asshole in 2012. I didn’t know how to process my emotions, and I shut a lot of people out.
It’s funny how things work out… I met Dana on Lush, she was from a different state, we met officially on August 3, 2014 and then in May 2015, I visited her and her family, and now? We live together. Dana moved in with me on June 6, 2016.
If everything that happened with Bekki never occurred, I would have probably never met Dana.
I’m not religious, but count your blessings, folks. I’m not an “everything happens for a reason” type of guy, but those past events led me to today.
Another thing: I originally started college in the fall of 2009 at a community college. I allowed myself to be distracted by my relationship with Bekki and didn’t prioritize my classes. I ended up not going to my classes and I never properly dropped them. I didn’t re-enroll in 2010. After almost five years of inactivity, I returned to the same community college in 2014 and I’ve taken my paltry 1.9 GPA and moved it up to a 3.3/borderline 3.4.
Why does the post title say not to let a failed relationship hinder your future even though I wrote that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the aforementioned past events? Well, I still mean what I titled the post with.
Even though who I am today is derived from the past, I still wasted years of my life. Even though I said I had some awesome times in 2011, there was never any growth in regards to something to expand on in my life. I didn’t accomplish a single, solitary thing in 2012 and 2013. In the first eight months of 2014, I didn’t accomplish jack squat either.
I used to want those years back, so that I could rectify ’em, but I can’t.
That’s why I say to not let a failed relationship hinder your future.
Once the relationship is dead, in your mind the other person should be dead to you, as well. That’s not sound mean or macabre, but when it’s over, it’s over. A breakup is called a breakup because it’s broken. No matter what happens, the world keeps spinning. The roosters keep cockle-doodle-dooing. Life is short and there are so many experiences and lessons to be learned and had.
It took so long for me to get over Bekki because 1.) she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and 2.) we had incredible chemistry. But I looked her up a couple weeks ago and saw that she now has two children. A daughter that’s a few years old, and now a newborn son from a different man. She might be doing well in her professional career, but it looks like I dodged a bullet, since I know who she turned out to be (I don’t know now, but in 2010 and 2011 she was a molecular structured liar and cheater).
If I would have stayed with Bekki, I would have had a tumultuous relationship with the in-laws. Fortunately, Dana’s family loves me to death and her parents treat me as if I was her son. They are so sweet o me. They actually gave me their old smoker for Christmas, to cook incredible barbecued meats and bacon-wrapped, cheese stuffed jalapenos in.
Go through hell in life. Experience it. But don’t let a past, failed relationship hold you back for as long as I allowed mine to do me.
I’m only on day four of my first ever StepBet game, but it’s been smooth sailing (or, er, stepping) so far. Originally, 1,285 people entered the game, and just four days in 13 people have dropped out. If nobody else drops out, I’ll only win $2 bucks from the total pot ($51,400). At this rate, there will be over a 100 people that will drop out by the end of the game. I’m not gonna sugarcoat my hopes: while I wish everyone genuine success, I won’t complain if a lot of people drop out of the game. And if you are playing with me, neither should you!
I do most of my walking either at my community college campus or here at home. Sometimes I listen to music, but lately I’ve been catching up on episodes from my favorite podcast, The Fighter and the Kid. I have a fairly big basement that features a treadmill, but most of my walking comes from leisurely walking around my house or in the basement. I’ll get on the treadmill if I want to get my heartrate up from running or faster walking.
Here are my tips and tricks in order to conquer your StepBet game, win back the money you originally placed to enter the game and win a share of the total pot.
1.) Just walk. Move. No excuses. You can do this. Even if you live in a tiny, single-wide trailer. Walk throughout the house. Even if you only have a tiny bedroom to walk in. Walk in place. Do what you can to move. You don’t have to be outside or on a treadmill or going on an actual walk to get your steps in. You can walk in place. Just move. Again, no excuses.
2.) Listen to music, your favorite podcast or watch a show on your tablet (the last one: if you are on a treadmill and you have decent balance). It makes the time go by, and before you know it you’ll have your active and stretch days met in no time.
3.) Don’t ‘plan’ your rest day. You get one day off during the week in a StepBet game. This is my most important tidbit of advice. Why would you plan your rest day? I’ve noticed so many people in the Super Steppers game I’m in doing this. Life features so many unexpected moments. You might say, “I’ll have my rest day on Tuesday” and then have something unexpected happen on Wednesday. You might get sick or something else might call for your attention. And then you are screwed! Life is not linear. Sometimes plans don’t go the way we want it. Develop a #NoDaysOff mentality. Besides, walking isn’t hard. It’s the easiest way to be moderately active. As human beings, we were never meant to be sedentary, so get off your ass and move.
4.) Along the same theme as the last tip, try to get your stretch days in as early in the week as possible. As you can see in the screenshot, I got mine out of the way on Monday and Tuesday. I recommend you do the same. By getting them out of the way quickly, it makes the rest of your week easier when you only have to meet your active day goals. You get a sense of relief and there’s no panic when it comes to getting only your active day steps the rest of the week.
5.) Your schedule pending/permitting, get some steps in when you wake up. If you can only be more active in the evenings, so be it, but getting your active/stretch steps out of the way earlier in the day allows you to rest up a little bit before the next day’s challenge.
6.) Park far away, take the steps, find excuses to walk. When you go to the grocery store or any miscellaneous store, park far away. If you are somewhere in a building where you must travel a few floors up to get where you need to be, take the stairs instead of the elevator. This simple tip will add so many steps. You might be surprised.
7.) Don’t give up. Even if you don’t feel like getting your steps in, just do it. You don’t want to lose all the money you put down on yourself to meet your goals. If we only ever did what we felt like in life and shunned the necessary things we didn’t feel like doing, we’d be in terrible shape in every facet of our personal lives.
VPX Sports is a supplement company based out of Florida. In December 2009, while my cousin was living in Ohio, we were playing NBA 2K10 for the Xbox 360 on Xbox Live. At the time, his sister was in nursing school. My cousin explained to me how his sister was drinking these strong, highly caffeinated energy drinks called “Redline” and that they were helping her kick ass at whatever task was in her way.
I was intrigued. 2009 was the year I delved into caffeine and energy drinks. In March 2009, I drank my first ever energy drink. An Amp. Soon I delved into the blue Monster Lo Carb energy drinks and never looked back. I was in an ‘online‘ relationship with a girl from another state (we talked for a couple years before it fell apart). I was also a senior in high school (graduated in June 2009). We stayed up late every night, including school nights, talking. Early days called for caffeine.
By that December, I simply enjoyed finding new energy drinks and trying them out. My cousin in Ohio did, too. He came to visit for Christmas for Christmas and New Years, and we went on many hunts trying to find new energy drinks to try.
One night, I decided we’d go to Walmart and I’d try to find Redline. Long story short, I found it, tried it the next day and I loved it. The energy rush was unreal. I worked out, cleaned up my house and felt invincible. I picked up two four-packs in January 2010 from Rite Aid and loved those, too.
I didn’t drink any for a while, but that’s only because I slipped back into my Monster Lo Carb routine. By September 2010, I tried Redline again, but VPX — the makers — had reformulated the product. Irresponsible idiots neglected their health and the warning label on the bottle and misused it, cried about it on the internet and I reckon VPX had to take action in order to avoid any more bullshit.
I wasn’t upset. It was “whatever” to me. I still enjoyed a Redline occasionally over the next four years after 2010, but it wasn’t the amazing drink it once was.
In May 2014, after watching a YouTube video where a guy ran around with an energy drink called, “BANG” and asked random women at some unspecified beach if they wanted to “bang”, I ordered a case of VPX BANG energy drinks. I knew they were from the makers of Redline, and I also knew that they contained 300mg of caffeine, its own patented creatine blend, BCAAs, CoQ10, glutamine, a little bit of vitamin B12 and light electrolytes.
I fell in love with the stuff.
I love caffeine in any form. Caffeine pills, coffee, energy drinks (0cal energy drinks). I use it responsibly within the self-tested tolerance levels of my body.
I love having a BANG energy drink with my first meal of the day (usually brunch). It’s delicious and helps power up my meal with its BCAAs. The caffeine intake is abated due to the food being consumed, and I’d theorize that the cortisol spike from the caffeine isn’t nearly as high as what it typically would be. A BANG energy drink consumed after a meal featuring scrambled eggs cooked in coconut oil, bacon the side with a honey biscuit and a handful of prunes? I feel phenomenal.
I can’t empathize enough how damn good BANG energy is.I’m not affiliated with VPX in any way. I wish I were; I’d love to be a rep for the company. However, I’m not a bodybuilder nor am I a female fitness model. I support and freely advertise the drink because it’s a product I believe in wholeheartedly. I wouldn’t do so if I thought it was trash. I don’t have the desire to back up or support shitty products. However, BANG is an outstanding drink worthy of merit.