Being Proud of Your Skin Color is Idiotic

I heard a couple of redneck fellers talking amongst each other the other day about how they think it’s bullshit that blacks can state they are proud to be black and that Hispanics can state that they are proud to be Hispanic, but that it’s racist to say they are proud to be white.

Personally, I think it’s moronic to be proud of something you did not choose or work to achieve. While I think the latest media-inspired racism ‘fuel the fire’ shit that is going on in society nowadays is a headache on both sides (racists no matter the side; I’ll leave it at that).

Should I be proud of being 6’2″ and hairy? A rational answer should be, “fuck no”. That’s my DNA makeup and genetics. So why would you be proud of something you did not choose that was practically made-up at one’s birth?

Instead, be proud of your accomplishments. Be proud that you have worked for over a decade on becoming a science whiz or that you’ve spent the last two years growing as a bodybuilder and topped an old PR (personal record). That makes more sense than being proud over an uncontrollable, predetermined trait.

Struggling with Video Game Impulse Control!

I didn’t play a single video game from January until late September (outside of going over to a buddy’s house to play a little bit of NBA 2K17 during a visit in May).

However, I game the most during the fall and winter, when it’s cold outside and I’m in the house more often. Unfortunately, that’s when most video games release.

Call of Duty World War II is releasing this Friday, and I want to buy it so damn badly, but… I shouldn’t. Why not? Because I don’t need it. I have NBA 2K18, Halo 5 and Forza Horizon 3 to keep me company for a while, at least until Red Dead Redemption 2 releases next year, and I just bought the Witcher 3 and all the DLCs for $20.

But, man, I’m a World War II nut, and I haven’t bought a Call of Duty in a few years. I hated the futuristic shit, and I’m stoked that they are bringing the series back to the old days.

I have the money for it, but I feel like the $60 should be spent elsewhere. I’m not sure what to do. Should I buy the game or wait?

I’m truly just waiting for Red Dead Redemption 2 to drop in June. I’m 100% preordering it.

But I loved the old Call of Duty games from the second one to Modern Warfare 3. I never cared much for Black Ops 1 or 2.

With the series going back to World War II, I want to buy it so badly, but… I feel guilty about it. I feel like I shouldn’t. Impulse control is a bitch.

Big Businesses, Change, Lowballed by New Ownership

My girlfriend works at a hotel. A group of Indians purchased it a few weeks ago and the sale was made final today. Everyone who works at the hotel knew it was an ominous sign, as the same group of Indians purchased another hotel directly down the road from this one earlier this year and they docked everyone’s pay.

Of course, my girlfriend is only making thirty cents above minimum wage at this time. However, everyone else there knew they’d be affected. One of my little lady’s favorite colleagues, who worked there for ten years, quit. Today, she handed each and every person there a handwritten, personal letter. Gut wrenching. If that isn’t heartbreaking enough, the general manager — the boss — who was responsible for hiring my girlfriend and giving her a chance in the first place… is leaving. She and the Indians could not come to terms with the pay.

Personally, I think it’s chickenshit to take over a company and immediately dock everybody’s pay. But c’est la vie. That’s the way it is in the world of big businesses. It’s sad. But that doesn’t make it any less bullshit.

There’s other people leaving… two of the desk receptionists. That leaves only three other people who will be at the desk (my girlfriend and two others). I hope everything will work itself out. I don’t know who will take their boss’s place. I was really hoping she’d stay, because my girlfriend liked her so well. She was a great boss. Good to everyone. She doesn’t give anybody an unfair shake. She was constantly looking to please negative reviewers on sites like Trip Advisor and other review sites. But I can understand her wanting to leave if the dipshit new owners want to lowball her.

On one hand, I understand what the new owners want to do… save money and increase profits, but what every business owner needs to know and understand is this: happy employees = a more successful business in the long run.

I just had to post my thoughts somewhere, even if to strangers on the internet that probably won’t even read this. My heart breaks for my girlfriend over this transition. I wouldn’t be so upset for her if her boss was staying, but with her leaving after over 20 years of experience, it’s going to be strange.

This is a small area. My girlfriend moved here to be with me. It took her over five months just to get a job (this one) despite applying anywhere and everywhere. It’s definitely a “it’s who you know” kind of place when it comes to getting a job. My girlfriend just got lucky landing this hotel one. All thanks to the boss who’s now leaving.

I hope things will look up. I hope it’ll all “come out in the wash”.

How You Begin Your Day is a Great Predictor for the Rest of it

This is simply my belief: how you start your day determines the rest of it. Sure, you can overcome a shitty start to a day, but sometimes it puts you in an uphill battle in regards to a negative mindset that’s difficult to deface.

I’ve noticed this the last few days.

My girlfriend’s family came in on Friday night and left yesterday. Each day, we were up early (fine by me; I’m a morning person these days). Saturday, we went grocery shopping for a weekend featuring epic meals (oh, they were). Sunday, we got up early to start up some barbecue smokin’ on my Weber Smokey Mountain cooker. Yesterday, we spent time together at Cabelas and Bass Pro Shops before they headed home.

It was a fun weekend, and it was sad seeing them go. Anyway… I had some damn good days, and it goes back to what I said.

Oftentimes, I fall into a trap. I get up, and well, as a man I’ll often wake up with rock hard morning wood, aching to get rid of it by…. taking care of business, of course.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the biggest waste of time is going to Tumblr and searching the “my butt”, “my booty”, “my ass” tags or going on Reddit’s many NSFW gonewild-esque subreddits and jacking off. It’s a waste of my time, personally, because two or three hours will pass by quickly, and before I know it I will have been edging for too damn long, and I’ll feel terrible about wasting that portion of the day sitting on my ass and doing nothing.

My typical, best days are when I wake the hell up, ignore taking care of my morning wood (saving up for my girlfriend for later), drink my water from my 64oz Stanley stainless steel growler, consume my caffeine, piss/shit and get on with my daily farmer’s carry workout and more. In the summer, I love going outside with just my shorts on, soaking up the morning sun and relaxing. It’s perfect.

Just getting up and doing something marginally productive is a great start to the day.

My Girlfriend’s Mom is an Armchair Psychologist

I’m defensive.

I’ve only ever had one bad experience with a girlfriend’s mother. That was with my first love’s. Despite having good experiences before and since, that has stayed with me.

My current girlfriend’s mom, who I genuinely love and she’s treated me like a son she’s never had, told her that she thinks she (my girlfriend) is unhappy. This was because the conversation that preceded that one was about my girlfriend saying that there’s nothing to do around here, where we live. And that’s true. We live in a rural town — my hometown — with a lack of career/job options. I only plan on being here for another couple of years, so that I can complete college and go beyond.

Anyway, I get defensive easily. Sometimes I feel like her mom plays armchair psychologist or acts like a pot stirrer…

My boneheaded, “say what you mean; mean what you say” cracker ass expressed those feelings. Not a great idea.

We didn’t get into a full on fight or anything. Not even an argument. But there was a few, “What do you mean?!” questions from her. Understandably…

I just get annoyed…

Why the fuck would her mom think she’s unhappy?

Actually, my girlfriend says and appears to be happier than ever. Even though she doesn’t make much, she enjoys her job and the people she works with. She’s going out to the movies with them on Wednesday evening, and I couldn’t be happier about that.

If anything, my girlfriend was miserable from September through February, when she lost her old job and was unemployed for five, long, painstaking months that were insanely stressful as she couldn’t find a job anywhere despite applying literally e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e!

Her family is coming in this weekend to visit. I have some anxiety over it.. fuck.

I do wish her mom was a little more like mine… y’know… never gets involved in the relationship. I mean, her mom doesn’t get involved per se, but she just says these little comments that irks the shit out of me. My mother stays totally out of my relationship with my little lady, and that’s the way I love it; I’m sure my little lady appreciates it, too.

But goddamn.

I know that mothers will always be protective. My mom is.. I’m all she has, really, as an only child. And it’s especially so for my girlfriend’s mom since they are states away from one another.

But I never want to be in that position of my girlfriend’s mom feeling like I’m not good enough for her or something. I also expressed that opinion last night and my girlfriend flipped the fuck out, telling me that her mother doesn’t feel that way, yet she couldn’t answer me when I asked why the fuck her mom would question her happiness.

I put my girlfriend’s needs before mine as much as I possibly can. She might as well change her name to “Roll” because I can’t stop buttering her up. Then again, it’s the same in reverse sometimes as well for me.

I guess I just want to live to the tune of that song from Boston… “Peace of Mind”… I just want to live peacefully. Please.

You Have to Earn The Right To Feel Good About Yourself

I feel a lot of guilt, sadness, regret and anger. Much of it is related to the past. It’s not constant. It comes in waves, but it hits hard.

Once you learn to accept that the past is the past and that it can’t be changed, you set a precedent to move forward with your life.

But, no matter what, I’ve learned from one of my role models — Andy Frisella — that you have to earn the right to feel good about yourself.


Some people might disagree with that and spew insipid platitudes like, “happiness is a choice regardless of your situation!” but the truth is, happiness is a choice… yes… but “regardless of your situation”? No. While I believe in making the best of every situation and using it as an opportunity, if you are poor, struggling to scrape by in life and hardly able to live paycheck to paycheck, you might be able to take solace in that you have your physical health and are still able to live your life, counting your true blessings, but I highly doubt you are happy, or at least as happy as you could be.

I don’t remember if I wrote it here or elsewhere, but I also believe that action cures fear.

In the way you earn the right to feel good about yourself, you do so by taking action and doing something that yields that result.

2010-2013 were blunders in my life. Those were four wasted years where I did not advance in my life. I did have some good moments in 2010 and on a lesser scale in 2011, but I accomplished nothing in regards to building a better and brighter future for myself. I spent much of my time bitching, moaning, groaning and crying (to myself only) about missing my ex, who was a crazy, dirty, lying, cheating, childish human being, and doing nothing about it.

I could have made myself busy. I could have strode to keep myself busy by working out more and reading, but no. I spent a lot of lonely nights jacking off to erotica on Lush Stories, intermittently playing video games, reading inane bullshit on the internet and doing nothing to ‘level up’ in life.

In 2014, I went back to college. It was at a community college, but still, it’s college. It was a huge milestone for me. Right off the bat, I took public speaking despite hardly being around a whole lot of people for a few years. I knew I had to make this choice in order to grow. It’s funny how one of the girls in that class remarked near the end of the semester that I was “so calm and collected” even though I was nervous as fuck. I always went first in class, because my theory always is, in public speaking, people are too busy  worrying about their upcoming speech to truly pay a whole lot of attention to yours, and besides, even if they do key in on you, they’ll forget about you soon enough!

I felt great. I was building confidence.

I continued another school year in 2015-2016. I took a shitty chemistry class, and I hated my lab teacher. I also made a great friend, at least for that time period, named Dillon. If that was the 2009-2013 version of me, I would have quit going to school just like I did when I first tried college in the fall of 2009.

This past year, I completed my final year at the community college. I think I would have finished up in 2015-2016 had I not been forced to take developmental math for a few semesters. I took a year of math this past school year and made an A last fall and a B this past spring semester. I’ve been accepted to a university this fall as a junior. I’m mostly taking online classes, but I will be taking a night class at the same community college for five weeks through the university.

I’ve built confidence and, in many ways, I feel great about myself.

But you can’t just do the right thing a few times and expect it to last… you have to keep the momentum going by continuously doing what you need to do. Don’t feel like working out? Do it, anyway. Don’t feel like studying? Do it, anyway. Don’t feel like writing that paper? Do it now! Do it, anyway!

Because when you are done, you will feel a whole lot better about yourself than you will if you procrastinate and watch shitty YouTube videos instead.

I heard somebody say, elsewhere, I think on Reddit, that you “should find enjoyment in everything, even if you dislike it”… BULLSHIT. That is nice, in theory, but truthfully, some things just suck! And no matter what, through whatever positive thinking channel your mind goes through, you will never enjoy it, and sometimes it’s best to put your head down and grind through it. Once you start something, sometimes you realize it’s not as bad as you conceive it to be.

If I work out every single day for 90 days, I will feel better about myself than what I would if I kept procrastinating.

By doing so, you earn the right to feel good about yourself.

I struggle almost daily to stay on track.

It’s fucking hard. But that’s OK. Because nothing worth doing or accomplishing in life comes easy!

Sometimes I procrastinate. Not as much as I used to, but I’m still working on it. It happens. No excuses. It’s easy to be suckered into doing things that are not apropos to what you should be doing.

But man, when you get into that flow of doing the thing you need to be doing, accomplishing tasks that need to be done, and you complete them, it feels good. It’s liberating.

You have to earn the right to feel good about yourself. I think that is an undisputed truth. I appreciate Andy Frisella for talking about this on one of his podcasts. If you don’t know who he is, Google him and thank me later.

I’m sure there are antagonists out there who exist that will be antagonists of this mentality, but that’s their thought process and not mine.

I didn’t start feeling better about myself until I started doing shit that made me feel uncomfortable, stepping out of my comfort zone and attempting to achieve a modicum of success.

If I kept sitting in my bedroom, on my computer, jerking off to sluts on Tumblr and not doing anything, no matter how badly I want to feel great about myself, I’d still — deep down — always feel depressed and awful about myself.

Whenever you go out and do something that you feel needs to be done in regards to accomplishing your tasks and goals, you feel good. I believe that’s an undisputed truth as well. But you have to do it day in and day out and build that perpetual momentum to consistently feel good about yourself.

No, not every day will you feel like a million bucks. This is life and we are all human beings, prone to difficult days, but you can’t have sunshine without a little rain.

Keep grinding, keep hustling, do what you need to do. Embrace the suck. Consume some caffeine (or not) and bulldoze ahead. I believe in you. If I can go through hell, you can, too.

Is the Xbox One X Worth it For People Like Me?

I love video games. I really do. But I haven’t played a single game since January. I let my Xbox Live expire.

At first, it was because I didn’t have time. But now, for the last month, I’ve had the time, but no motivation to play.

My motivation to game comes in spades. I played the shit out of Forza Horizon 3 in November and December. I even dabbled in a little bit of GTA V online (even though its online is hot garbage due to the exhausting load times).

I’m excited about the future, definitely. Red Dead Redemption 2? Come to me, baby. I remember getting Red Dead Revolver when I was 13 in 2004; I played through it three or four times! Red Dead Redemption — a totally different game but in the same vein — came out in 2010 and it is in my top 5 games of all-time. 2010 was a pretty damn good year for gaming; two of my all-time favorite games came out. Not only RDR, but Halo: Reach. Y’know, Reach is the most maligned Halo game ever released, but it’s my all-time favorite having played every single Halo game in the series. You know why? Memories. 2010 was a rough year for me; my relationship with my first love slowly deteriorated. I was depressed. But every weekend, my best friends in real life, our friends online and random strangers would start up party chats and play from dusk to past dawn in SWAT and Team Sniper on Reach. I will always appreciate those memories. That lasted from October through December 2010. Amazing times.

The other day, Microsoft announced the Xbox One X. It is priced at $500. In a nutshell, without any fancy pants talk, it runs better graphics — but apparently only if you have a 4K TV can you tell an absolute difference — and apparently features a faster processor, I assume.

It’s $500. I have no problem with the price, because, well, I’m likely not getting it anytime soon.

My TV is a 32″ Westinghouse LCD TV that I got for my 15th birthday in 2006. It’s been an excellent TV. But it’s not 4K. Hell, it’s old technology even though games look terrific on it. I love it, though. But, with that TV, it doesn’t warrant the Xbox One X. I’m going to avoid keeping up with gaming news for a while to avoid the hype. There’s no need for me to pump that kind of money into a console given my current specs and given that my motivation to play video games is streaky and inconsistent.

Besides, I just spent $420.15 (tax included) on a 22″ Weber Smokey Mountain cooker. ‘Cause I’m a pitmaster… a wannabe pitmaster.

I wonder who else is in my shoes regarding having old tech (TV) and not having a reason to invest in the XBX. Speak now!